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Idiot’s guide on how to run a successful money-making newspaper

Thu 2011-Nov-24 @ +08 14:49:33 pm

Round Two, redux

Now everyone can run a newspaper

Analysis
By Gobind Rudra

  • Start small. Hire idealistic idiot journalists who’ll work for peanuts
  • Hire out-of-work old hands who’ll work for peanuts
  • Sell sex and sensation
  • Sell any old politics: nobody pays attention to mosquito papers
  • Sell cheap, at a discount to others
  • Repeat as circulation grows and people start paying attention
  • Become more serious. Preach ideals
  • Hire a few more idealistic idiot journos who’ll work for a few extra peanuts
  • Repeat as circulation grows
  • Turf out idealistic idiot journos. Hire journos who know better
  • Sell political PR and marketing PR
  • Watch the ads roll in
  • Get listed on the stock exchange
  • Turf out idealistic idiots who want to do journalism
  • Hire marketing-friendly writers. Anyone can write. Give bigger peanuts.
  • Watch the ads roll in.
  • Get a datukship. Cash out with stock options
  • Sneer at journalists who want to be journalists
  • Play golf all day

Life is good if you play the game

Journalism? You want journalism? Don’t be an idiot.


Gobind Rudra used to be a newspaper editor. He doesn’t golf.
© 2011. All rights reserved

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17 Comments
  1. TOKZ permalink
    Thu 2011-Nov-24 @ +08 15:18:31 pm 15:18

    I think what’s written above is indeed a GREAT way (not idiotic way) to run a successful money-making newspaper. After all, it’s business, rite? & the main priority in business is how to rake in as much $$$ as possible.

    Only a STUPID idiot will try run a newspaper publishing truth thinking they are ROBIN HOOD or some dickhead who are out to save the world. Even Raja Petra publishes/blogs rubbish that would bring advantages/profit to him. Who cares about the truth anyway??? It’s the SENSATION that brings readers to reading a newspaper after all.

    • uppercaise permalink*
      Thu 2011-Nov-24 @ +08 15:38:22 pm 15:38

      True, true. Very true. You’re sensational! 🙂

  2. weehobbit permalink
    Thu 2011-Nov-24 @ +08 15:55:04 pm 15:55

    Well, you have some idiotic journos and dickheads in MM right now and come january they wanna fly!

    • Thu 2011-Nov-24 @ +08 22:26:03 pm 22:26

      Every paper has ’em. Some dickheads are owners, too.

  3. estrada permalink
    Thu 2011-Nov-24 @ +08 16:02:36 pm 16:02

    Journalism has gone to the dogs in today’s world. Doesn’t matter whether you are News Corp, Media Prima or Redberry. When you look under their skins, you see all the worms wiggling around.

    • Thu 2011-Nov-24 @ +08 22:24:19 pm 22:24

      Please don’t compare us to News Corp. We’re nowhere as bad. They’re pure dirt.

    • rick permalink
      Wed 2011-Dec-14 @ +08 02:10:16 am 02:10

      You’re not nearly as big and credible, either, in spite of recent accusations.

    • Wed 2011-Dec-14 @ +08 02:22:03 am 02:22

      You’re right, we (Malaysian media) aren’t anywhere as big and never will be in a country of four main languages; and some of our stuff is almost as credible as a p3 caption though not as skilfully done.

  4. nstman permalink
    Thu 2011-Nov-24 @ +08 16:20:50 pm 16:20

    Terrence Fernandez has his work cut out for him as he tries to resurrect a paper which was flogged to death by the New Malay Order of the NST. Terence is a brave man, taking on a herculean task, It’s no doddle managing a paper that has for all intents and purposes given up the ghost. So, who still wants to be an idiot?

    • Thu 2011-Nov-24 @ +08 22:22:46 pm 22:22

      It may be an uphill struggle, nstman, but any effort to keep a newspaper going is worth the while. it all depends on what your own objectives are, and what is your measure of success. why knock the effort? if they fail, they fail. at least they tried.

  5. Thu 2011-Nov-24 @ +08 16:28:59 pm 16:28

    The deceitful and corrupted Umno morons are not here, to begin with, run a money making newspaper it is to mislead the readers and not to gain readers. After ll the morons have plenty of other means to ‘make’ money the newspaper is only one of their tools to enable them to stay in power. Also to keep the half cooked ‘journalists’ with the jobs of journalist.
    Imagine not even 10% of Umno’s members are readers of their news !
    If it was a private investor it would gone bust long ago but clearly it is still around because of the sole aim to promote the half cooked ideas of Umno.

  6. Dave permalink
    Fri 2011-Nov-25 @ +08 00:34:10 am 00:34

    hmm… i could do all those.

    except for the playing golf part.

  7. Patrick permalink
    Fri 2011-Nov-25 @ +08 15:26:24 pm 15:26

    Always found golf a stupid game. Snooker, now that’s a proper gentleman’s sport.

    • uppercaise permalink*
      Fri 2011-Nov-25 @ +08 17:12:51 pm 17:12

      In dingy dives, with Cantopop?

  8. draken permalink
    Wed 2011-Nov-30 @ +08 15:48:05 pm 15:48

    “Please don’t compare us to News Corp. We’re nowhere as bad. They’re pure dirt.”

    Why did you use the word ‘us’? Are you in the game on the side of MM? Or is it just a slip of the tongue or your typing finger? LMAO.

    • uppercaise permalink*
      Wed 2011-Nov-30 @ +08 22:32:02 pm 22:32

      I’m on the side of journalists, and journalism.

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