Dear Hilary: Malaysia says ‘Up Yours’ to the First Amendment

(SIPDIS, NOFORN, Confidential)

Dear Hilary

Hey there! Nice of you to swing by the neighbourhood.

Great news! Malaysia made big progress towards a world-class democracy. Checked your cables? Poloff at 376 (map) must have written one.

So, Get this: Malaysia gave the First Amendment the old two-finger salute. The old heave-ho. Your First Amendment. That Bill of Rights thing? So much for that special BHO-NTR relationship, huh?

We got our Bill though, with some kinda Rights attached. The House passed this thing, we call it a Peaceful Assembly Bill. It just plain says “Up Yours” to the First Amendment (yours), that Bill of Rights thing (yours). We don’t have em, these Rights of yours, just Rightists. You have those?

It’s a really great Bill. (Himself, too, of course.) You’ll see. Check your cables.

You’ll feel so cheerful when you have tea with that Aung Sang Suu Kyi: such a nice Lady, still smiling through though those military brutes shot unarmed peaceful Buddhist monks and university students two years ago. Those Burmese, ain’t they something, passing a law to allow street protests on five days’ notice, flags and slogans flying. Their thing is the Peaceful Assembly and Processions Bill. Ours is the Peaceful Assembly (no processions) Bill. Neat, huh?

We done better, too: 10 days and no street protests. Anything they can do, we can do better. 1Malaysia Boleh, our national slogan.

That’s why our law minister Nazri Aziz (a Malaysian First) slapped down those who said our law is “draconian” compared to Burma’s.

For one thing, we haven’t shot any unarmed peaceful Buddhist monks or university students (lately).

Another thing, our law is nothing like those of Draco (Δράκων) the Law Giver; ya’ know, the one who replaced blood feuds and arbitrary oral law made by a select few and instead made a strict written code of law enforced only by a court, and got a bad rap for his efforts. Whatta guy.

Nazri is right. Not Draconian. We never did replace arbitrary oral law of a few with a strict code of law (and we ain’t so sure about the court).

Law is just any old thing that nice jolly plump Attorney-General says it is. Oral law, like. Sometimes made by some kind of cop. Sometimes enforced by a court. We’re kinda confused about what kinda critter that is. Some folks say it’s a bunch of marsupials hopping ’round ‘n ’round mumbling incantations. Or bovines. (They moo. Y’know?)

So we have these oral laws enforced by police and also by people like this retired army general who don’t like people on the street ’cause they kinda make traffic jams. He’s itchin’ to clear up them roads full of noisy people (The filthy Demos. You reckon?). Fill the streets with noisy cars like the good law intended so people in cars can cause traffic jams and go shopping. Like the Beltway but hotter. Y’know? Cars on the street, not people, much better. Collect tolls, sell petrol (gasoline) from the Middle East (like you) ’cause we kinda hocked ours to the Japanese or Chinese (like you), and sell parts stripped and fabricated in Sungei Besi (map).

Oh yeah, we got blood feuds like you wouldn’t believe. Don’t even get me started on the blood feuds. Puh-leaze. Talk talk, talk, all the day long, blood feuds outta every orifice. (We got oral laws about the orifices, but they ain’t so sure about the oral.)

Check your cables, now (From: Poloff at 376 [map]). There’s gotta be one.

It’s a hoot, lady, I’m tellin’ ya.

Lots of laffs when you’re sittin’ down to tea with that nice Aung Sang Suu Kyi Lady. We don’t have a Lady. Only a humpy-dumpy kinda FLOM. (And we have Michelle, she’s some lady.)

Such progress. The Lady will be pleased.

Hugs to Bill (yours). We’re still trying to dump ours.

With kind regards,
Gobind Rudra

p.s. Don’t forget your cables, now
(SIPDIS NOFORN Confidential).

Gobind Rudra was once a newspaper editor. Since 1987 he has faced daily harrassment from the federal government, security services, and sundry agents. 376 don’t like him much neither. Just sayin’. Ya’know?

© 2011. All rights reserved.


4 thoughts on “Dear Hilary: Malaysia says ‘Up Yours’ to the First Amendment

  1. Gobind is of course a great writer and was a capable editor. He was with The Star in the 1980s but the MCA felt that the Indians were working for the DAP and go them booted out.
    Finally, MCA is run for the Chinese, by the Chinese for MCA.

    • It was Umno and Special Branch, with the MCA as accessories in political crime, who put out a “hit list” in 1987 comprising Gobind Rudra, K Nadarajah, NV Raman, Cheryl Dorall, PK Katharason and SF Yong. MCA-bashers and NST Umno types or their friends love to say that the MCA booted out people of Indian ethnic backgrounds. That is a canard. In Balai Berita, NST’s Umno Malays will say things like “Indians all troublemakers”. A lot of people were accused by MCA and Umno of being DAP merely because, as journalists, they reported and highlighted social concerns. The MCA-bashers who just love to say MCA “kicked out all the Indians” never produce any facts. Which paper were you with?
      “Comment is free, but facts are sacred.”-CP Snow

    • You tried to pass off perception as fact in your comment. Passing off anti-MCA propaganda by DAP or Umno and anti-Star propaganda by NST? Check the facts. Ask DAP and MIC if it was true.

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